Guacamole - Like a Boss

My husband is the ultimate internet, social media geek. He is always posting the latest meme and snorting about funny jokes that only he and other, pasty white males that work at universities understand.

ANYWAY -- I guess this meme is really ancient. Like SOO 27 seconds ago.  This "like a boss" thingy. But because he loves me - he let me in on the techie joke and even made me my very own "guacamole - like a boss" image.

This is his ultimate guacamole happiness place. I make guacamole (very plain - basically with avocados, a little lime, lots of salt) in a huge bowl - then make up this beautiful, divided platter of things you can add to the guacamole:

• cut up purple onions
• chopped cilantro
• slices of jalapeno
• wedges of lemons and limes
• halved, baby grape tomatoes
• green onions
• canned, smoked chilis 
• etc. etc. etc. 

Then you set out lots of little plates & bowls - and let people go to town making up their very own, custom guacamole. My husband says this is the ULTIMATE guacamole - the finest stuff, made your own dang way. 

He likes his with lime, cilantro and purple onions. 

So enjoy my friends -- mix up your own guac "like a boss"!! 

Fuerte Guacamole

Fuerte's - A Winter Fruit

Fuerte Avocados are little, black/green dino-eggs of supercalifragalisticexpialodocious-bombs of deliciousness. People get downright greedy and stingy over their Fuertes. Hoard them like gold. The friends and neighbors who have them stingily hand out 1 or 2 (tops).

The farmers often don't (or won't?!?) sell them (I personally think they eat them, laughing maniacally behind their barn doors, as I walk away, rejected...). "Hey, come back!" they say -- "I got a lot of Bacons!!"  "Yeah?! Who doesn't buddy!!" I want to yell at them in mid February...  (Fuerte's and Bacons ripen at about the same time, in mid-winter).

Anyway -- IF and WHEN I get Fuerte's -- I often DON'T make guacamole with them. They are few and far between and deserve to be eaten in a simple manner - cut open, sprinkled with lemon juice, and a liberal sprinkle of Australian (flakey) sea salt. And downed. YUM!!

When I'M not being greedy -- I ship them to our monthly Diva Club members.  If you get a Fuerte in your monthly package -- it's usually wrapped INDIVIDUALLY in bubble wrap and marked clearly as a Fuerte. (Anything in it's own bubble-wrap from the Diva is very, very special...hint, hint).

So don't be emailing me wanting Fuertes to order. I get so few, that they go out to our loyal monthly members -- and yes, I do have favorites... hee hee. (But I try and pass my "avocado love" around to various members over the course of the year).

Anyway -- once in a while I will come across a "nest" of Fuertes. Perhaps at a Farmer's Market or if I find a ranch that has 2 or 3 trees of them -- and a rancher who doesn't care ("those are just for pollination", he'll say, stomping past the tree...).  My eyes glaze over and I ask if I can buy them anyway... he almost always looks at me like I'm crazy - "sure - if you want 'em...but you gotta pick 'em"  (he has no idea how delicious they are... even if they are kinda small and ugly).

Fuerte Guacamole - note the lack of tomatos, onions or  cilantro. 

So if you are lucky enough to gather 3 - 5 of these little bombs of heaven - here is my guacamole recommendation:

FUERTE GUACAMOLE: 
1. Slice open the fruit -- eat one or two slices while nobody is looking.
2. Cube up the fruit (eat another chunk or two on the sly).
3. Sprinkle with fresh squeezed lemon or lime juice (not too much - you don't want to mask the taste, just keep the avocado from going brown. Be SURE and taste to make sure you didn't use too much).
4. Salt it with good, flakey, sea salt. (Again, I ALWAYS taste to make sure I didn't add too much).
5. Add a touch of garlic powder (one last taste or two...)
6. Oops. There is hardly any left... might as well finish it.
7. Eat with something that will not mask the flavor (e.g. -- cucumber slices! Corn chips are almost too salty. Do NOT use something really over-flavored like Doritos Nacho Flavor !! That would be unwise.)
8. Make a BIG bowl of guacamole with Bacon avocados (which are ALSO delicious and in WIDE abundance!!) -- serve that to the other people.

The Diva

Pinkerton Guacamole (no "strings" attached...)

Pinkerton is the avocado on the far LEFT (long, skinny one)

The Pinkerton variety of avocados is a native of Ventura County from the 1970's (just like the Diva!) and one of my favorites.

You will like it too -- as it is an excellent California avocado for guacamole that can be found in the dead of winter - when California Hass is not readily available.

(In this photo, you can see 5 varieties of avocados: from left to right: Pinkerton, Bacon, a late season Lamb, Fuerte and in the front - a newly named variety from a very old tree, the Matthew Davis).



Pinkertons are oily and full of nutty flavors that can stand up to a nice, fiery hot sauce. I like to make my Pinkerton guacamole with just a few, simple ingredients:

1. California Lemon (in season also at this time)
2. Tabasco sauce
3. Sea salt
4. Garlic powder

That's it! BUT -- the tricky part about a Pinkerton avocado is to overcome it's 2 main flaws... read on for how to do this...

ONE: Pinkerton Avocados are long and skinny. (I have a couple of other blog posts about this variety of avocado, you can find them here for more information). The long, skinny neck of this kind of avocado can make it ripen funny. It often ripens from the top down. So unlike a Hass avocado -- you don't want to cute it in half lengthwise; rather, you need to cut it around the middle. You eat the top one day, store the bottom until it ripens, then eat it the next day (or so).

NO

YES!

TWO: Pinkerton Avocados can have a lot of "strings" in the neck. These are just the veins of the fruit (like in celery) - so they are nothing to be worried about; however, they can make an unpleasant texture in guacamole. I recommend that you cut off the top in small discs - and throw away the top 2 or 3 where you can see the brown strings (see photo above) OR you can scoop out the flesh at the top (see spoon below) and pull out the 8 - 10 threads. 

Once you know how to handle a Pinkerton - you'll be delighted to find such a wonderful addition to your winter diet!  The Pinkerton actually has MORE flesh (so its a better value) than a Hass, often has a higher oil content, plus it turns black (so you know when its ripe) and it peels very easily. It's a great avocado and you'll be happy to know you can get a winter California variety for your guacamole fix. Check out our website at www.AvocadoDiva.com and/or join our "Diva Club" to automatically get avocados shipped to you each month as they come into season. 

Guacamole Myths

Guacamole Myths

"You have to put a pit into the guacamole to keep it from going brown. "

"Guacamole needs oil added to it."

"If you cover the bowl with sour cream it won't go bad."

"You should eat guacamole immediately."

"Only Hass avocados make good guacamole."

"You can't get good avocados all year to make guacamole."

MYTHS!  LIES!!  DISTORTIONS!! ok - simmer down Diva...

Like all good "urban legends" -- each of these myths has a grain of truth. But let's set the record straight...

MYTH ONE: "You have to put a pit into the guacamole to keep it from going brown. "

Keeping guacamole from going brown is like keeping potatoes or apples from turning brown. You need to put a bit of acid on the fruit AND you need to keep it away from oxygen. Oxygen is what turns the avocado brown. Not that there is anything WRONG when it turns brown (it still tastes good...) but it looks pretty yucky.

So the easiest way to keep your guac from going brown is to:
1. Put a sprinkle of lemon, lime, grapefruit, vinegar (ANY acid!) on the exposed fruit. If its mashed up (like a guacamole) - then you need to add acid juice right away to slow the oxygen down. Usually about 1/2 a lemon or lime per whole avocado (give or take) - stir it in well.

2. Cover it TIGHTLY once it's made. If you put a pit in -- well, it will keep the avocado under the pit less brown.... and if it makes you feel good... that's ok too. However, The BEST way is to put the guacamole in a bowl (not metal!, never metal) - and put a piece of plastic wrap RIGHT ON THE guacamole.  Smash it down - good and tight, right on the guac. It will last for days. Seriously.

MYTH TWO: "Guacamole needs oil added to it." 

Holy Guacamole people! Avocados are FILLED with delicious oil already! And its pretty healthy oil too! (Check it out here.)  This "add oil" is a tip left over from, like, the 1950's or something. Do not add oil to guacamole.

MYTH THREE "If you cover the bowl with sour cream it won't go bad." 


This is kind of true.  If by "bad" you mean it won't turn brown.  Basically, see MYTH ONE above. [...anything that seals in the guacamole and keeps out air (oxygen) will help it not to turn brown...yada yada yada.]

But -- if you mean "bad" as in "fill it with bland flavors and un-necessary fat" - then it's a myth! A LIE! A DISTORTION!! - Um...anyway...

I personally LIKE sour cream -- just not in my guacamole.  (And don't get me started on people who put (shudder) MAYONNAISE in guacamole!!  Do not add that people, that is so... 1957!  Mexicans and mayonnaise were on two different continents for hundreds of years for a reason -- since mayo was invented by the Dutch...).

MYTH FOUR "You should eat guacamole immediately." 

This is one I kind of, sorta, waffle on -- I almost cannot HELP but eat guacamole immediately (in fact, I eat most of the ingredients before they even get INTO the guacamole...but that's a whole different story...) 

However, I have found (on those rare occasions when I exercise restraint) that guacamole made ahead of time - and allowed to "mingle" it's flavors for a few hours -- is actually better.  The salt melts more. The onion and garlic flavors spread into the avocado flesh. The whole thing gets more friendly with a few hours of time.  So I do believe this is a myth.  But a hard one to prove...

MYTH FIVE "Only Hass avocados make good guacamole." 

Oh -- oh my little innocent friends.  Did I ever mention that I have an MBA? In marketing? (I love to tell people I have an MBA -- its a weird thing with me). ANYWAY -- that's what we Marketing Professionals LOVE to do -- CONVINCE consumers that only OUR product is worthy. And that everything else sucks.

And the Hass people have done a GREAT job of that.  If I had a pair of shoes for every time I hear "well, only Hass avocados are the best" (in a snide, whiney little voice...) then I'd be a Diva. And I am. So what does that tell you?!  (I hear it a LOT). 

So let me set this myth on it's ear. Hass DO make good guacamole. 

If you want GREAT guacamole - use a MacArthur. 

If you want to be boring - feel free to ignore the other 499 varieties of avocados.  Go ahead, I dare ya. (Some of the most AMAZING guacamoles I have had are with heritage varieties! Or a mix of 2 or 3. The flavors are wonderful mixed, and the different textures too.) 

MYTH SIX "You can't get good avocados all year to make guacamole." 

Oh. Yes. You. Can. 

You just gotta have a hook up....

....good thing you know the Avocado Diva. 

(Check out our "Avocado of the Month Club" at www.AvocadoDiva.com) 

Now go forth and be snarky and tell others ALL that you know about the lies, rumors and MYTHS about guacamole!!!  

Avocado Diva's Guacamole

Diva's Guacamole

This is the Avocado Diva's super secret guacamole recipe (well, it would be secret, except I put it all over the internet all the time...) 

"The Avocado Diva's" GUACAMOLE

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 Heritage Avocados (MacArthur, Bacon or Lamb are best!)
• 1 fresh lemon
• 2 Tablespoons Diva's Avocado Salt Mix*
• 1/2 medium purple onion, fine chopped
• 2 heirloom tomatos, seeded and chopped
• 1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped

1. Score and cut up 3 Heritage Avocados into chunks**. 
2. Mash 2 of the avocados well with a potato masher or fork. Reserve the other avocado in large chunks. 
3. Sprinkle the mash with fresh lemon juice and with the Diva's spice mix*.
4. Sprinkle avocados chunks with lemon and a bit of Diva spices as well.
5. Chop up fresh cilantro to make about 1/4 cup. Reserve one pretty sprig for top decoration.
6. Quarter 2 heirloom tomatoes, take out the "jelly" and seeds. Cut into small pieces (same size as purple onion). Sprinkle with a bit more of the Diva's Guacamole spices.
7. In a large bowl, mix the mash well - then add all the "chunky stuff" (chunks of avocado, purple onion, tomatoes and cilantro) and gently fold them into the smooth mash of avocado. 
8. Serve with the sprig of cilantro on top and fresh, crunchy tortilla chips!

Serves 4 people or 1 Diva

* The Diva makes and offers a delicious spice blend on her site - with 7 sea salts from all over the world! Plus another 13 spices -- including loads of dried garlic (granulated - it's a must!). You can simulate it by using Kosher salt, garlic and some chili powder. Or check out her site at www.AvocadoDiva.com

Hawaiian, Himalayan & Australian Sea salts

**Here's how a DIVA chunks up an avocado - fast and simple. 

Avocado Pitter and Slicer from
www.AvocadoDiva.com

Slide the blade through for slices, twice (the other way) for chunks!